Shall I go or shall I stay?
by boyfriendorcarer
Summary: When Carla's mental state reaches the lowest that it has ever been, she has potential thoughts of suicide. She begins to hallucinate. Will she be saved in time before it's too late?
1. Chapter 1

**PREWARNING: CONTAINS REFERENCES OF SUICIDE AND MENTAL HEALTH ISSUES. **

**This is about Carla's mental health, the story starts from the roof top scenes that are airing soon. This is my version of what I imagine of the scenes to be like. This is also my first fan fiction so I hope you all like it because I have put in a lot of effort and research into writing it in the right way. **

**Shall I go or shall I stay?**

Carla was strolling down the street; she clearly wasn't in the right state of mind. It was as though part of her was lost. She didn't even recognise her own home; she was confused about her whereabouts. She thought everyone was against her – out to get her. Punish her in a way and make her suffer. As she was passing by all the terrace houses, she happened to glance at underworld, on top she saw Aidan up there.

She shouted: 'Aidan!? you're Alive!?'_. _

She climbed up those stairs to the roof faster than anything, she didn't want him to go away, she held some guilt over herself, thinking she was the cause of Aidan's suicide, that she pushed him over the edge. Carla wanted to be punished, she thought that she brought no good to anyone's lives, that she poisons everything she touches. That no one wouldn't even notice she was gone forever. Carla thought they were better off without her. She just didn't see any reason why she should carry on living on this earth when the world was all against her.

Carla spoke:'_Look Aidan, I'm so sorry about everything.' _There was no response.

Suddenly she was distracted by a voice, she turned around and she saw that it was Peter.

'Carla!? Who are you talking to?_'_ Peter spoke with concern; he could see that she was fragile and on the very edge of the roof.

Carla told him, ' Aidan, he's come back to give me a message, I'm going to join him. It's what I deserve.'

Peter then cried out, " OH NO. please Carla no."

Suddenly his worst nightmare was happening, petrified she was going jump off. Peter knew this wasn't the first time that Carla tried to commit suicide, a few weeks back, the aftermath of the roof collapse he was looking for signs of suicide thoughts because he knew how fragile she can be during difficult times. When he took her to the medical centre before she disappeared a month ago, he was worried she was going to harm herself.

Carla yells at him " It is my time to go "

Silent.

Carla yells again "I killed Rana!"

Silent.

Carla yells ' Peter you shouldn't love evil. Look at all the people I've hurt in the past – Tony, Frank and Nick. I deserved what I got, it was my fault, it's always my fault.'

Carla goes on, ' And Liam and Paul, their deaths were my fault. I should at least be punished for all of it. I deserve it! '

Peter speaks,_ '__Carla, none of that is true, you're not evil – you're beautiful inside and out. And as it goes to Tony and Frank, it was not your fault, they did terrible, unforgiving things to you. They were the evil ones not you. No one deserves to put through horrific things like you have been put through _over the years. '

Carla was very distressed; whilst in conversation with Peter she was hallucinating and hearing voices of the particular people she didn't want to hear of or be reminded of them. Carla's mind was spinning around in circles, nothing was clear to her. She felt as though she was being tortured and reminded of her past. Carla closed her eyes to try escape it all, instead she was still re living everything. She felt scared and vulnerable, the most she had felt in years. A shadow began to appear, it turned out to be Anne Foster standing in front of her with a knife. She heard Anne's voice **' He's dead isn't that enough' **Carla's shallow breaths were getting more intense and louder, she just wanted it all to be over. Her mind spun again but a million times faster, it was Frank Foster. Carla's nightmare coming true, she couldn't bear to see his face, his dark, evil eyes. She screamed 'PLEASE STOP NO. PLEASE MAKE IT STOP' she saw her own shadow, her cradled and shaking, lying on her flat floor with Frank stood over her. Carla's eyes were filled with immense fear. All she heard was the loud tortured words from Frank Foster **'****It was your fault. You made me do it.'**

Peter continued to try show her the light, 'I love you so much Carla, were soulmates, I'd be lost without you. We've worked so hard to get to where we are, you're the best thing that has ever happened to me. '

Carla's head was facing down whilst shaking in distress, her hallucinations continued with Tony's voice **' ****You destroyed us, you don't know the meaning of love.'**Just as she thought they had all gone, Carla's mother Sharon appear. She saw a scared, frail young girl who was not looked after properly. In fact, she was witnessing one part of her poor, miserable upbringing as a child. Her drunken Mother, brutally slapped Carla in the face and screamed in her face **'****You're useless Carla. Worth nothing. Why don't you just vanish off this earth ay?! ... it's not like anyone would miss you or anything.' **

Carla couldn't cope with it, she just wanted everything to stop and find a way out. Hearing voices and seeing all the people that have put her through unforgiving things was sending her to the very edge. Ready to end it all, be free of all the pain she was experiencing.

Peter continues: 'Me, Ken, Simon, your friends and family would be in distraught of the thought of never being able to see you again. We all Love you. You're worth so much to everyone. Carla, sweetheart we've got so much ahead of us, we have a bright future, it may be tough journey, but we will get there baby. Ay, we could start our own little family again, that's something exciting and worth fighting for isn't it?'

Carla found it hard to concentrate when a million other things were going on in her fragile, poor mind at the same that she was speaking to Peter. Her words were all mumbled up as she couldn't think straight anymore.

Carla speaks fast_:_ 'I do love you Peter but, you're better off without me, all of you. Our baby wouldn't want me, they'd think I am rotten and evil.'

Peter expresses 'None of that is true, you'd make an excellent mother, Simon adores you Carla.'

Carla was pulling at her hair, who was unsettled and agitated.

She spoke fast: 'Come on Peter, you must hear them?'

Peter was even more concerned 'Them? There is no them, it's just you and me?'

Carla replied, 'No. It's not, look- 'she points to corner of the roof top.

Peter turned to where she was pointing at, he was in distraught, he just wanted to fight her demons for her.

She continues to speak: 'Anne, Frank, Tony and my Mum. Their all here, they've come to finish me off once and for all'

Peter knew instantly that she was hallucating.

He was heartbroken to what his girlfriend was going through 'Oh sweetheart, Carla. It's in your mind, it's just the two of us. You're ill, you need help. I know where we go to feel safe. You need to trust me. '

Peter just wanted to get her the best help and support that Carla needed, it pained him to see the love of his life be so terrified.

Carla didn't know to trust, she felt anxious and Carla thought the whole world was against her. That they all wanted her gone forever or never have ever existed in the first place, wishing she was never born onto this planet.

Peter explained: 'Now sweetheart, there is nothing to be a shamed of, it's okay to accept help. You're not doing anything wrong. '

Silent.

Peter was the only one she truly felt safe with, the one she could trust with her whole life. He was being careful of what he was saying to Carla as he didn't want to trigger any button that would cause her to jump off. He didn't want to lose the love of his life, Peter just wanted to protect her and be her shelter.

Flashing blue lights surrounded the street, it didn't come unnoticed, clearly something serious was happening. The ambulance team decided to block the area off reach as they didn't want Carla to feel threatened by having an audience watching her on top of the roof.

He tries to convince her to come with him and speaks: 'Please Carla, grab hold of my hand. You're safe with me, you can trust me. I'd never hurt you. '

There was just silence like the world had just ended.

**Please leave reviews xx**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Shall I go or shall I stay?

**Carrying on from the first chapter. Sorry about that cliff-hanger! I wanted the readers to be on the edge of their seats and feel the emotions in both characters. Here's chapter 2, please be warned that there are references to mental health issues, if you think it will trigger your own mental health condition please read when you're ready! Mental Health is so important and I think it needs to be talked about more! I'm so pleased Corrie have taken on this issue, tackling it, it has been written and portrayed so well, so pleased you gave it to Ali King, she's so talented and I am so proud of her, to hear all the support& praise for her. We love you Ali! **

**Sorry this has took a few weeks to be posted, the standalone episode was amazing but so heart breaking. Well done Team corrie! Also, well done on the awards that you won. I was in the audience supporting you all! x**

He tries to convince her to come with him and speaks: 'Please Carla, grab hold of my hand. You're safe with me, you can trust me. I'd never hurt you. '

There was just silence like the world had just ended.

…**.**

Carla was in distress, her face had tears that were dried out, amongst the flesh tears continuing to roll down her pale, ill looking face. She just wanted to escape all the pain; she couldn't cope with anything else. Carla was as cold as ice, shaking inside and out – she was unrecognisable, not the Carla that Peter knew, he just wanted to get her somewhere safe, protect her and take her to get the help she needs. He was never going to let go, he will do anything to protect his girlfriend – the love of his life.

Carla knew she could trust Peter; she knew he would never do anything to hurt her.

Carla reluctantly replied back 'I just want to feel safe. Please help me'

Peter replied instantly 'You are safe with me, come on grab my hand, I know somewhere we will be safe, you need to trust. The paramedics are here to help you get better. '

Carla grabbed tight of his hand, she just fell into his arms out of exhaustion, Carla was mentally and physically drained. Peter picked her up and carried her down to the ambulance, he kept reassuring her that everything was going to be okay, he didn't want her to panic. Peter was going to everything he could to protect her, he was going to be there every step of the way.

Peter whispered softly into Carla's ears, 'I love you and I will always protect you sweetheart; we will fight these demons together. Me and you against the world kid. '

As Peter was helping to get Carla into the ambulance,

Carla screamed 'I don't want to go to hospital. Peter help me!'

He placed her softly onto the bed inside the ambulance, he sat beside her, not letting go of her hand. Peters head lent against hers, he wanted to be close to her and keep her warm. He would not know how to carry on if she was gone forever. The paramedics gave her some oxygen to keep her stable as she had been skipping her medication that was given to her, making her body collapse and beginning to deteriorate quickly, making it life threatening.

Carla was distressed, she was convinced they were out to get her, she thought going to hospital was a trap, to punish her.

Peter softly spoke to her, 'I'm not going to let anyone hurt you, you're safe with me. '

'Promise.' He kissed her gently on her forehead.

They got to the hospital, Carla lying lifeless on the bed with no blanket to keep her warm.

Peter spoke, 'You're going to get cold just lying there.' as Peter was speaking, he put the blanket over to keep Carla warm, to stop her from getting cold.

'You're safe here, you know.' He continues, 'Nothing bad is going to happen.'

She was struggling to keep her eyes open; the doctors had given her a sedative to keep her calm as she had been so distressed getting to the hospital. Staring into Peter's luxurious brown eyes, it was the only thing she felt relaxed by, she could trust him with everything. Carla was fighting her eyes, she was terrified to close them, she feared what would be in front of her, that they would be waiting to take her down and destroy her life.

He spoke in a calming way 'Carla don't fight your eyelids love; they gave you a sedative do you remember?'

Her eyes looked drowsy, close to falling asleep but not wanting to.

Carla replied 'Yeah'

Peter reassured her that nothing bad would happen. As Peter was stroking her hair, he gave her another soft kiss on the forehead and told her 'You get some sleep, I'm going to have a word with the nurse to see what's happening.'

'Get some sleep '

Peter was stroking her hair; he gave her another kiss on the forehead.

'Sleep.'

Peter waited until she was asleep before he went to speak to the nurse about her.

As Carla slept, Peter went out of the room to go speak to her nurse.

As he was walking down corridor outside Carla's room, he noticed the nurse who is assigned to Carla's case.

Peter speaks politely, 'Excuse me, look I know you're busy. I understand but we've been waiting her for well, over two hours.'

Nurse answers his concerns ' As soon as the team get here, we'll decided the best way forward for Carla.'

Peter replies, 'Right, a section?'

Nurse replies, 'Possibly'

Peter tells him 'Well because you do know she tried to throw herself off the roof, don't you?'

The nurses phone rings, 'Look I'll be right back, she's not forgotten, with a psychotic episode, there is a process.'

Peter replies, 'Thanks ay, I get it.'

He places his arm on the wall, looking exhausted and fearing for Carla's recovery. All he wants is to get his love of his life on the mend and make sure she gets the help she deserves.

Meanwhile in Carla's room, she was tossing and turning, she was still dreaming of what was going on in her mind even when she's asleep. Carla's loud, shallow breaths, eyes closed.

Until suddenly a gush of win and the creaking of the opening door, waking Carla up, still weary eyed, everything she was seeing was blurry, nothing made sense to her anymore. A disguised, distorted figure entered the room, she couldn't fully make out who it was for a few seconds, she thought she could recognise someone that she knew of, but she wasn't sure. It began to become clearer as the figure came closer to her.

'What are you doing here?' still half asleep.

'Oh no, you're one of them' Carla couldn't keep her eyes open, her mind was spinning with paranoia. Her eyes slammed shut again, darkness. Big, heavy, shallow breaths consumed her.

Peter was walking back to Carla's room with the nurse and asked him ' Is she ever going to come back from this? '

Nurse speaks, ' Perfectly possible'

Peter tells him, 'So yeah, you've seen people make a full recover from this?'

Nurse speaks, 'Lots of times '

Peter tells him,' It's like she is completely paranoid. '

Nurse speaks, ' That's the nature of psychosis, you think you're at some epic centre of some mad conspiracy. '

Peter replies, ' Right, sounds terrifying. '

The nurse pats him on the back and says ' You first, friendly face. '

' Yeah'

The nurse and Peter both enter the room to see her asleep on, Peter gently nudged her to wake her.

' Hey, the nurse is here to come see how you're doing.'

'Hope the sedative is helping Carla, you were very unsettled when you came in earlier.'

Carla spoke quietly, 'Gary was here'

Peter looking confused, 'Who was here?'

She replied back, ' They sent Gary Windass, check my bag.'

Looking over to her bag, 'No love, your bag's here. Everything is fine, I promise.'

Carla replied back, still filled paranoia ' He's one of them.'

'Darling, listen to me. You're just exhausted, it's just your mind playing tricks on you. You need to get some rest.'

Peter softly told her ' Sleep, sleep, you need some sleep.'

Carla just staring into space, meanwhile Peter was discussing about her episode of psychosis.

' Look, she's having these hallucinations. She had a visitation from her dead brother and some other people from her past traumas'

The nurse replied, ' It can be hard hitting on love ones especially close relatives'

The nurse turned to Carla and made sure that she was safe in hospital, that no one was going to come any harm to her. He and Peter both reassured her that she has nothing to worry about. Peter told Carla that no one was after her and that just people want to see her get better.

Carla looking concerned whilst being freaked out by the nurses glasses. Peter looking confused to what she was staring at, realising it was the glasses making her feel anxious.

'I'm sorry, It's your glasses, she thinks you've got a hidden camera in them' The nurse was fast to take them off. He spoke back, ' Do you want to check them out Carla? There just cheap reading glasses, my daughter thinks there embarrassing'

Carla was instantly reminded of her baby girl she spoke ' My baby girl is here, look she's in my arms, do you want to hold her' Peter nodded his head down to the floor, looking devasted by what he just heard Carla tell the nurse. All Peter could hear was Carla's screams from the day he witnessed the mother of his unborn baby, miscarriage on the street.

Carla looking down to what she thought was her baby girl, she had just disappeared, Carla screamed the room down. All Carla wanted was her baby girl back, Peter was fast to come to her rescue and pull Carla into his arms tightly.

'It's going to be okay, we will pull through this together. ' He was rocking her backwards and forwards like a baby- to protect her.


End file.
